How to Worry Friends and Inconvenience People

Shout "Goodbye cruel world!" as you step off the kerb when crossing the road.

When you see people feeding pigeons in the park, pretend one of them is yours. Give it a name and with increasing frustration, keep calling it back.

When driving slowly down hills in residential areas, always remember to shout “NO BRAKES!” out of the car window

When the automated voice announces your tube stop, say “right, this is me” loudly to other passengers before leaving the carriage with an equally matter-of-fact “thank-you, driver”

After taking money out of a cashpoint, wave it around and exclaim loudly “I won!”

Loudly clap and cheer with recognition and delight when a film mentions its own title: “We’ve got to go back… to the future!” Yay! *clap*clap*clap*clap* Wooo!

Shout camply “I’m the king of the road!” at everyone you pass in your car

Answer the questions up to £1000 on “Who Wants to be a Millionaire” out loud

Yell “I’m fine, I’m fine” every time you sneeze

Remember to announce "Cross the road!" loudly when the green man lights up.