How to Worry Friends and Inconvenience People

Say “sweet enough already” when someone offers sugar, and “white enough already” when they offer milk

At a wine-tasting event, remember you should never swallow the wine. Always spit it out onto the floor.

Get on a bus on a hot day and ask the driver if he’s got any Callippos

Phone to book a table in a restaurant and mention discreetly that you’re intending to propose marriage during the meal

Ask for sandwich fillings while pointing at other ones

Use sausages instead of those special “construction” balloons

Only eat animals which are capable of giving sly looks

Put your Oyster card in a sandwich and scan that

Call up McDonald’s and ask to reserve a table for two

In KFC, complain about the food and ask to speak to Colonel Sanders

Tell people those stickers you get on fruit are actually edible