How to Worry Friends and Inconvenience People

Create a Bernie Clifton tribute act with a real ostrich and a fake man

Help yourself to one of the free dogs that people leave outside shops

Refer to zoos as “captivity parks”

Only like animals which come in pairs (tortoise and turtle, rabbit and hare etc)

Impress future employers at interview by demonstrating how well you can ride an imaginary horse

Only eat animals which are capable of giving sly looks

Put your Oyster card in a sandwich and scan that

Put your Oyster card in an oyster