How to Worry Friends and Inconvenience People

Refer to zoos as “captivity parks”

Mutter the words “you cock” at the end of every telephone conversation just after you’ve said goodbye

Make chastity belts with Rubik's Cube locks on them, so that only the most intelligent can reproduce

Shout camply “I’m the king of the road!” at everyone you pass in your car

Impress future employers at interview by demonstrating how well you can ride an imaginary horse

Treat everyone in uniform as a stripper put there for your entertainment

Give up your standing place on the tube